no, seriously, i don't feel so good

I had a *fun* adventure today. At Paisley's well-baby check-up the doctor said that she needed to go for a mandatory blood test for lead levels and gave me a list of Quest labs I could take her to. I couldn't remember doing that with Galla or Finn and I asked the doc if I really had to, but she said yes. I guess I am in a new state and, on second thought, I think I did do that with Galla and it wasn't so bad. So, like 3 weeks later, I finally got around to it today. I had a bad feeling as soon as I walked into that dingy waiting room. You know what I'm talking about when you can see that the walls are more dirty about a foot above where the back of the chair ends from countless greasy heads resting against it? But I held my head up and waited patiently and, more importantly, Paisley was being patient and playful as she smiled and waved at all the old people also waiting to have their blood drawn to test for any number of diseases or disorders.

Our turn. I'm instructed to have a seat, squeeze my baby's legs between my legs, hold one of her arms down and hold her other arm out by the wrist. Tight! Don't let your 10-month-old squirm. The phlebotomist looks at the two of us and says Paisley is too low to prop her tiny arm up on that padded bar that goes across the chair. She starts looking for some sort of booster seat. Am I supposed to sit in the booster seat or put the booster on my lap and Paisley on top? No matter, she can't find a booster. She starts poking around on Paisley's right arm trying to find a vain. Paisley immediately starts looking back at me very nervously and rightfully so. I ask Miss Phlebotomist if this is a normal test to be doing on a baby this age. She says yes, but obviously doesn't have much experience doing it. No luck finding a vain on the right arm, she starts searching on the left. At this point I'm thinking, "what have I gotten us into?" I wasn't expecting much more than a finger prick. I ask, "just one vile, right?" No, two. I'm not the best with needles, but anticipating the experience I loaded up on crackers and peanut butter before we left so I wouldn't get woozy.

The needle lady decides that she thinks she found a little vain and is going to "give it a try." I can tell she's not so confident and Paisley is already crying. I'm trying not to look, but I can't help it. She stabs my baby and no blood. She missed the vain! Paisley is screaming and this is when my cracker preparation starts to fail. Miss Phlebotomist says she's going to have to get a different lady. "I don't poke a baby more than once." Maybe we should've called in the expert from the start! I'm not feeling well. I keep taking deep breaths and reminding myself that I'm not the one getting the shot. But it doesn't help. I'm shaking and sweating and getting that tunnel vision where the blackness starts closing in. Paisley is still sitting on my lap crying. I tell the ladies I don't feel so good and ask for some juice or something. They don't have juice. What?! What kind of respectable needle poking place doesn't have a juice box on hand? Are you serious?! I'm desparately digging in my purse with one hand for some mints that are probably sugar-free anyway. The ladies don't seem to believe me that I don't feel well or notice that I'm pale as a ghost and shaking like a leaf. I keep breathing deeply and trying to put my head down. Mr. Big Teenager Boy next to us isn't taking his blood draw so well either and is using the only reclining chair. I decide I'd better call Brad and have him come down and hold Paisley while the next lady takes a stab. Luckily, we were close to home and Brad arrives quickly with Galla and Finn. While I'm in the lobby trying to keep the kids entertained I remembered that I always have those smarties candies in my bag to bribe them with. We all share the sugar and I'm feeling better by the time they're done with my baby.

I'm glad we got to go through all of that just to have the doctor tell me at Paisley's next check-up in a couple months that she does not have an excessive amount of lead in her blood. Not that there was ever reason to suspect she did.

That story was, like, longer than Paisley's birth story.

How cute is she in these pics with Brad? She looks like a little person straight off the page of the Guiness Book of World Records or something!